Shit My Roommate Says
Phone Call

This is all i could i hear, who knows what the person on the other end was saying, or what the fuck he was doing talking to wayne..

“Whats good homie”

“oh shit”

“im coming back tomorrow, we gotta chill tomorrow”

“hahaha”

“did i ever tell you i found a secret stash in my room, hell yah kid there was a 20 grinded in there, yeah i was mad hyped”

“yeah every now and then”

“ill buy it for you, cause he fucks with me”

“alright, yo next weekend theres def gonna be some parties in the city if you wanna come”

“alright, you gotta get 26 dollars for a train ride, round trip, like 26 dollars, between 26 and 30”

“yeah, just save up some money, save for a couple weeks cause it’s gonna be like 50 dollars the whole time, then there might be a cover at this party like”

” 5 10 bucks, yeah hell yeah kid last night was wild”

“oh word”

“oh WORD, did you chill with your padre”

“huh, yeah ill let you guys hang, i don’t wanna jump bump in there HAHA”

“some korean kid just hit me up on facebook, who the fuck is kevin jong”

“huh, yeah tell vanessa i said whats good brown round, shell know what im talking about

“oh nice, omg this is a fat chick that just friend request… hell yah you know i get her all the time, you know how bitches get”

“yah shes weird, what was that one girl who was trying to fuck.. amy or something”

“dude i met a girl named jamie who looks just like her, yeah thats mad weird, YO THIS NIGGA JUST INVITED ME TO THE HANGOVER SONG GROUP, HAHAHAH, yo that movie was so funny”

“yeah i get my diploma march 9th, so i gotta come back down then and pick it up”

“yah im still working on my movie, yeah the one that makes fun of step up, yeah dude id def wanna be like waylon brothers or something”

“yeah me and roommate chad are prob gonna go get some food” (No we arent)

“yeah the city is so exciting, but fuck me dude, how are you hows ariel?”

“what why”

“dude even if youre not 18 and your older, it’s still illegal yo.. kids aren’t supposed to have sex, like if you’re 16 and she’s 15 you can get taken into jail.. but yo its whatever, just keep fuckin her”

“shes not gonna be like ‘IM TELLIN ON YOU DARIUS’, that shit aint gonna happen”

“huh, nah i got like 412 friends on facebook, i know thats hella much..”

“I guess this bitch like wants to be cool with me, cause rob tells girls up front, this is my boy wayne, if you don’t fuck with him then we cant date.. cause hes me best friend”

“yeah ill tell you what she says”

“yeah she said shes watching american gangster”

“I know i cant wait for summer son, mini skirts, bikinis, i just want some shit to blossom, bitches, beaches, BOOM!”

… i got bored, the convo is still going on. (2/27/10 5:07)

Shit My Roommate Says: “dude I would kill to have sex with her, like if she was like I’ll have sex with you but i’m going to poop on your face, I’d let her.” “no, i’m like dead ass serious.”

Shit My Roomate Says: “Wanna know how I  just killed the bad guy in my movie? The hero shoved his hand up his ass and ripped out his heart… nothing like ass hearts.”

Shit My Roommate Says: “Dude, what’s one thing you wanna do before you die?.. If I absolutely had to pick, I would milk a cow.”

Shit My Roommate Says: “Yo you think this onesie is sick?”

Shit My Roommate Says: “Would you fuck a chick if she had a kid?” “okay, okay, but what if afterwards, she wanted you to take care of the kid.”

Shit My Roommate Says: “Do you like to fuck to music, or just keep it quiet? I mean, cause I’ve fucked to the Jonas Brothers before.. just sayin”

Shit My Roommate Says: “Do you want me to say bless you when you sneeze? cause’ I didn’t know, if you like believed in god or whatever.”